Children recognize their parents as familiar and safe. When separated from their parents, especially while away from home, it’s natural for children to feel anxious, threatened and unsafe. Doctors often refer to this as separation anxiety. Separation anxiety refers to a developmental stage in which a child experiences anxiety due to separation from the primary care giver (usually the mother). Research shows that this phase is fairly standard at around 8 months of age and can last until the child is 14 months old. In normal development, this early period involves establishing familiarity with the home environment and feeling safe when parents or other known caretakers are present. After this time, lack of familiarity often produces fear as the infant recognizes that something unusual is going on.

Kids who are starting school for the first time or moving to a new school have to cope with the biggest adjustment, but even moving up a grade means facing more academic demands, a new teacher, and a changing social circle. The good news is that with a little bit of preparation and forethought, you can prepare your child to look forward to attending school and minimize their distress.

Here are a few things you can do to help prepare your child (and yourself) for the school year:

1. Go visit the school prior to school starting. Let your child become familiar with the school. If this is her first time there, you’ll want to take advantage of the orientation day. Even before the school starts and becomes busy, take a ride with your child and drive around the school grounds so your child can see where she will be. It won’t be as threatening when its empty and will help her visualize it in her mind. If any buildings are open, then go ahead and pop your head in. Why not! Make it an adventure. It will be a memory she’ll laugh upon recollection when she’s older.

2. Meet the teacher. Call and schedule a quick visit to meet the teacher. Most experienced teachers understand the anxieties that children are having, and they will gladly take a few moments to meet with you as they are setting up their new classroom. After you’ve met the teacher, begin talking about her at home in pleasant ways such as this “Now that we’ve met Miss Williams, I’m sure she’ll be impressed with what a quick cleaner you are!” You can encourage your child to draw Miss Williams a picture or take her an apple on her first day.

3. Facilitate Bonding with Other Children. Kids are always nervous to meet a new teacher, however if they know other kids in the neighborhood who will be attending the same classroom, it can help ease their angst. Ask around to some other Mom’s and see if their children have the same teacher as your child. Meeting with other kids before the school year begins will help ease the transition into the new academic year. Many schools will often help facilitate introductions if you call ahead and inquire. When the school year starts, you can arrange for your son or daughter to be with their new friends and the transition won’t be as difficult.

4. Practice Saying Goodbye. Many children have a difficult time saying goodbye, however there are a couple of things you can do. Keeping a family picture in their backpack can be helpful. If lonely or anxious feelings arise, the picture is an instant reminder (and transitional object) of the loved ones waiting at home. Talk through the process of saying goodbye. (i.e., “Jane, I’ll walk with you to Miss Williams classroom, then we’ll hug, and then I am going to leave.”

5. Let them choose their own school supplies: within reason, set your budget and then find out the essentials that are needed. Give them a choice “would you like the red or yellow ruler?”

6. Let them know where you’ll be during the day and what you’re doing: this is really important. I remember my own Mother did a fabulous job doing this. She took me to her office and showed me where she was working. During the day, I had a mental picture in my mind, of where she was. I still remember that to this day! This helps your child know if you are at home with other (younger) children, or if you’re at work. It gives them a sense of inner stability.

7. Be a few minutes early to pick them up. Not seeing you immediately will only exacerbate any anxieties she might have. It’s good to be there a few minutes early (plus you’ll get better parking). As you’re child becomes more accustomed to attending school and they learn that you will be there to pick them up, they’ll begin to move from separation anxiety to feelings of security. Plus, they’ll begin to know that you keep your word. And this is very, very important!

8. Pray with them: Let your kids know that God is with them. Pray with them in the car and tell them that Jesus is with them. If they feel scared, encourage them to pray and ask Jesus to calm their heart. You can begin practicing now. Today. I can still remember my school years, and as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to have a greater appreciation of the sacrifices of love that my Mother made for me. With some planning, prayer and effort, you can help your child navigate and overcome the realities of life and blossom into who God desires them to be. May God’s blessings and strength be upon you!

Warmly,

Christy Demetriades, Ph.D.

 

About the guest blogger:

Dr. Christy Demetriades has a Ph.D. and M.S. in Clinical Psychology and a B.S. in Exercise/Sports Science from Vanguard University. She loves Jesus, has a heart for people and has dedicated her life to serving Him.